Annoying Voldemort
by RatherNotBeSaid
Summary: Basic person goes to annoy Voldemort story. Written for the enjoyment of you and I.


Hello it's me RatherNotBeSaid or Eli or Leighann or Dracula or Olive or Maxwell Coffee. You pick.

Neeway this is the rewrite on the first chapter on my Annoying Voldy thing. I saw this tucked away in the deep abyss of my folder today and I was like why not?

I got back into writing fanfiction a little while ago, I never stopped I just slowed and never posted anything, and now I have this big plot idea in my head. I have no idea if it's gonna work out but I sat down today, instead of doing homework, and wrote about five-six pages on it so I hope it'll turn out okay.

Okay on with the rewriting, I still suck at naming chapters btw.

* * *

_**The Mission**_

"Now remember," Dumbledore reminded, "You have to report to Professor Snape," He inclined his head towards the Professor who stood near the exit of the room with a goblet of some sorts in his hands. Briefly I pondered the contents of said goblet. Perhaps it held wine or something similar...like poison. Maybe it was cranberry juice. "At the end of each day. To give a, progress report for the lack of a better word."

"Yes sir." I nodded sighing a little on the inside. Just what I needed. A healthy dose of Snape each day. "Just one question though. This, copy of me you're making to replace me at Hogwarts for the year. Will it disappear if I die?"

I can practically hear the questions marks popping up in your head. Perhaps you need to get a little up to date.

You see my name is Ginevra, most call me Ginny, Weasley and I'm sixteen years old. I attend the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, home to many a witch and wizard, all learning magic to help them in their day to day lives. The man who I am currently talking to is Headmaster Dumbledore, you can probably guess his job.

Professor Dumbledore is a major figure in the good side of the war against Voldemort, a seriously evil villain who wants to wipe out and enslave all Muggles and Muggleborns, Mudbloods for a more offensive term. In fact, Dumbledore is the only person who Voldemort is afraid of, and I had just gotten a mission, for lack of better words, from him.

Tomorrow I am to go into into the depths of Voldemort's base to, basically, annoy him to death or to die trying. Between you and me I sincerely hope it's not the latter.

"Sadly yes."

I let out a breath of relief.

Sure it'll cause hell with my mother, who's known for her wild temper, but the thought of having someone, not even a real person, living as me for the rest of my life didn't please me too much. No imitation will ever take my place in life. If it did Dumbledore will have hell to pay. I'll come back and haunt him until his last waking day, he'd better get ready for A Haunting or A Nightmare at Hogwarts.

Snape snorted softly from his place by the door. Lord knows if that man is reading my thoughts only Jesus could help him.

"Actually it's a relief. Now we better hope that I do make it out alive." I said in hopes of brightening the mood.

"Why is that Miss Weasley?" Snape asked finally speaking for the first time tonight.

"Do you know how much trouble I'd be in if my mother finds out I'm dead? She'll kill me!"

A grin found it's way onto Dumbledore's face and the corner of Snape's mouth twitched slightly.

"Well," he drawled, "We wouldn't want that to happen now would we?"

"Nope but Lord forbid if we do."

Snape rolled his eyes and muttered something under his breath. Dumbledore's grin grew wider and he cast a look over in Snape's direction.

"See, Severus. We couldn't have found a better person to do this. She like a carbon copy of her brothers" He then looked at me. "Well then, Miss Weasley I wish you the best of luck."

Taking that as his cue Snape walked over and placed the cup, goblet, glass, whatever the hell it was into my hands.

"This potion will change your appearance. Take it before you go to sleep. By the time you wake up in the morning the transformation should be complete."

"What will I look like?" I asked curiously instantly regretting it the instant I say his grin.

"I guess you'll just have to wait."

With that he turned tail and walked out of the Headmaster's office but I could have sworn he said that I couldn't look any worse than I do now.

Yeah well look in the mirror you git.

"Now Miss Weasley." Dumbledore said bringing me out of my thoughts. "I believe that you have a long day awaiting you tomorrow and it would be best to get some rest."

I nodded and walked out knowing that I won't catch a wink of sleep tonight. Not only was my mission bothering me but now I keep replaying The Nightmare on Elm Street over and over again in my head. But something about Dumbledore's twinkling eyes made me think otherwise. I wonder how he does that. Maybe it's a really old person trick. I've seen my grandmother do that in her portrait.

"Get some rest Miss Weasley." Dumbledore laughed.

"Yes sir." I saluted before walking away.

* * *

Wrestling my eyes open I followed Snape blindly out of the gates of Hogwarts.

"Now." he said sharply gaining my full attention. Well as full as my attention can get. Because of the sleep! Not because my attention span is small. I mean just because- I should shut now. "I can't show up with you. That would be suicide and it would look suspicious. You do remember the address?" he asked with doubt lacing his voice.

I nodded slowly.

_Pop!_

My eyes flew open. Now he had my full attention.

That git! He left! He just left! Just like that! I can't believe it, how could he do that?

I fumbled through my mind trying to remember the address Snape had told me just a few minutes before. It seemed that it left my mind when I had panicked.

There it is!

Quickly I turned on my heels praying that I arrive intact. If I lose any of my limbs I swear I'll find and smack Snape with them.

* * *

I couldn't help but be impressed as I appeared next to the doors of what appeared to be an, well, impressive manor. Thanks to Snape I had managed to apparate inside the gate instead of outside. I guess he can be helpful for some things. Just not CARING FOR APPARATING MINORS.

Speaking of Snape he said Voldemort should be here any minute now. All I needed to do was wait until he arrives and takes my life in his two ugly hands.

As I waited I decided to inspect the outside of the manor, you never knew when you needed a quick escape route. Trust me, you never know.

Passing one of the windows, one that wasn't frosted or jewel encrusted, I happened to catch a glance of myself.

_Two points to Snape_, I applauded in my mind.

I admired my new appearance. Instead of my normal ginger hair I had long dark red hair. Dark blue eyes replaced normal my brown ones and freckles covered my nose. Why does it seem like Weasleys can't escape freckles? I had also added square, black rimmed glasses earlier this morning in hopes that it made me look professional.

I turned my head as I heard the iron gates squeak open. Breathing in deeply I stayed very calm as I watched Voldemort walk up the lane towards me...who was I kidding? I was freaking the hell out.

"Who are you?" he asked as if he care less. Maybe he liked to humor his victims. Maybe it could be manners. Manners or humoring? Hmmm.

Wait, hold up. Who exactly did I think this was?

Okay Ginny it's now or never.

"Hello!" I said with the biggest smile on my face, trying to sound preppy. "I'm Gin Masterson and I'm your new personal assistant!"

I must have taken him by surprise because he didn't kill me. In fact he didn't do anything. All he did was stare..unblinkingly. It was kind of creepy if you asked me.

Finally he blinked.

"Excuse me," Wow did I just see manners!, "My what?" Or not.

"You know." I said swatting his arm. "Your personal assistant. I follow you around, plan your day, schedule in your evil laughs, bring you your mocha lattes with your morning bun, stuff like that." I told him offhandedly. Don't get me wrong, I was scared shitless, who wouldn't be, but in a weird way my nervousness was actually helping.

"What makes you think that I won't kill you this instant?" Voldemort asked but I was prepared.

"Because," I said, "I know for a fact that a Dark Lord's day is very busy." I cast a meaningful look at him, "And it would be _very _easy to forget meetings or appointments."

His hands curled into fists and he looked ready to kill, he was clearly remembering the scene that Snape had told me about. That was a dark day for all Death Eaters near or far.

I silently crossed my fingers behind my back. _Please don't let him kill me, _I chanted in my mind.

Voldemort unclenched his fists and looked at me with his cold, red eyes. Seriously what does he think he is? A vampire?

"I guess you could be useful." he decided, "But one mistake and you will pay." I nodded happily. "With your life." Shit. "Understood?"

"Clear as mud." I said. Then I plastered a wide grin on my face. "Now down to business. I need permission to do magic?" He waved his hand. "Good." I said waving my wand. A pen and clipboard appeared in my hands.

"Muggle contraptions?" he asked clearly disgusted.

"No duh." I said trying to sound exasperated. "Imagine trying to walk and write with a quill and parchment."

"Point."

"Plus it has little heats in the corners. See?"

"I will pretend I didn't hear that. Now come. I have more important things to do than waste time time talking to you."

"Are you sure?" I asked raising my eyebrow.

I think I spend wayyyy too much time with Fred and George. I seem to like making the situation worse than it should be.

"Yes." he positively hissed.

"Good!" I pretended not to notice how angry he was. "I just have to ask you a few questions before we go."

"Let's get this over with." he answered with a bored look.

I stood taller and poised my pen above the paper.

"What's your name? Is it Voldemort, Volde Mort or Vold E. Mort? And if so what does the E stand for?

* * *

There you have it. Chapo Numero Uno.

Yeah you can bet that red line is policing that above sentence. I see that red line a lot.

So yeah review and what not.


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